Dando gracias

Okay. It's Thanksgiving. I am not really doing much to celebrate it here. I did explain, somewhat inarticulately, to my host family what this holiday is all about. My host mom thought this was our Christmas and seemed surprised when I told her we celebrate that as well. I said something about pilgrims and Native Americans and sharing food and being thankful for not dying.They looked at me like I was kind of crazy, but it made sense to me.

So, I have a lot to be thankful for, something I've been pondering with Thanksgiving looming (like everyone else, I'm sure). I'll keep a running list up here throughout the day.

1. I am thankful for my family. My mom and dad and sisters have always supported me and my crazy treks around the world. I know my mom worries about me constantly and I feel bad for causing her grief, but she knows this is what I love so she's okay with it. And my dad worries as well but not quite as much as mom. And I don't like that they worry, but it shows that they care.
I am also fortunate enough to have a great family here in Guatemala. They have helped me a lot over the past few days in moving all of my stuff from my house up the mountain to their house down in the center of town. My host mom braved the spiders and dust and helped me tidy things up and asked her cousin to help us bring the bigger things down the hill in his pickup truck. This whole ordeal would have been a lot worse if it weren't for them.

2. I am thankful for my friends. My friends have made life more entertaining and more bearable and are always there for me. I haven't had to unload too much drama on them because my life is fairly drama-free, but I know they would be there. I am also fortunate to count on friends who are so engaged in the world and in helping people and who inspire me to be the same.

3. I am thankful for my health. I have always been healthy and this has made my life immensely better, especially travelling in parts of the world where having a weak stomach leads to weeks of intestinal issues. Especially seeing what my host family has gone through this year with diabetes, hydrocephalus and heart problems, I feel very blessed to count myself in good health.

4. I am thankful for my faith. This has also helped me immensely here in Guatemala. I honestly feel as if God is looking out for me and I can tell that he has been answering my prayers. Surrounded by so much poverty and so many difficulties in life while finding that people remain faithful, this has been inspiring to me. Some people might think this is a little crazy, but my faith is stronger than ever. This is due in part to some of the volunteers I have been fortunate to live near and the church here in my neck of the woods that is fantastic, for which I am also thankful.

5. I am thankful to be doing something I love. I'm not getting paid, so it's all the better that I love my job. How many people can say they would gladly work in a super frustrating and thankless job for two years without getting paid? It works so well for me because I love what I do. I love working with the kids and teachers, visiting schools, talking about health issues, giving workshops, helping out with projects, coordinating with NGOs, helping other volunteers with camps or youth group activities, sharing cultural activities, etc. I joined Peace Corps not really knowing what I was getting into, dreading possibly teaching English or working with teens rather than kids, and when I found myself working here in Guatemala with Healthy Schools, I can truly say everything exceeded my expectations.

6. I am thankful for having internet now. My first year and a half in country without internet went well enough, but having it now has made a huge difference in staying connected and getting work done (as well as applying for grad schools). All of the files we are sent from Peace Corps are accessible through internet or from a disc. My teachers and directors sometimes communicate with me through e-mail. I've been limiting my use, but it's there when I need it.

7. I am also thankful for my computer. I spent three long months last year without a computer and it was pretty hard. A lot of Peace Corps work gets done on a computer. All of the files we are sent from Peace Corps are accessible through internet or from a disc. My teachers and directors sometimes communicate with me through e-mail. Again, I get a lot more work done with my computer, typing up notes, looking up activities and lessons, writing letters and other documents, as well as storing my photos so that they don't disappear if my camera disappears. Not to mention movies and music. Since my MP3 player went missing with my friendly neighborhood thief, this is my only access to my favorite tunes, which will become increasingly important as Christmas draws nearer and I need more and more of my favorite Christmas songs.

8. I am thankful for books. These have always been around to keep me sane, especially when my computer crapped out and when I didn't have the internet to keep me occupied. I spend more time reading books than I do on my computer, so these should probably rank above computer and internet, but they aren't necessarily crucial to my work. I am also sharing my love of reading with my host sister Jeimy. We're reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire together in Spanish. So I'm thankful to share this wonderful thing with her (and hopefully inspire her to keep reading when I'm gone).

9. I'm thankful for having 25 years here on earth. I've been blessed with lots of opportunities to really get out there and get to know other people and places and learn from many diverse experiences during my (almost) 25 years of life. With some of the crazy things I've been through, sometimes I'm surprised I've made it this far, but I'm looking forward to whatever the next 25 years (or however many) bring.

10. I am thankful for the 'luxuries' of running water, electricity and indoor plumbing. I remember back when I applied to Peace Corps and requested Africa thinking that I might very well be living in a very rural place with limited or no electricity, no running water, and a hole in the ground. While in Uganda, I experienced this and it was a little tougher (lugging water is hard work!), but I was fine with it after the initial shock wore off (pretty quickly). But having all of these make life so much easier and more pleasant. Sometimes I miss my hole in the ground and having running water of course leads to lots of waste, but I am thankful for having access to these things. And now I have a t.v. in my room! And access to a washing machine (though I will miss washing my clothes by hand sometimes)! Despite a lack of privacy and control over my life, moving back in with my host family does have some advantages.

11. I am thankful for pumpkin pie. This is the one Thanksgiving food I will be eating today courtesy of the Mennonite bakery in the city. I am also thankful that my friend Amber and I snagged the last two. My host family will hopefully enjoy at least this one tradition from Thanksgiving. I am also thankful for all other types of food that I enjoy, some of which Guatemala provides in abundance (fresh fruit and veggies, caldo de res, fried chicken, Tortrix, tortillas, and tamalitos, among lots of others).

12. Home Alone in Spanish. Enough said. (Yay cable!)

Life in the Centro

I'm almost all moved in with the host family. Just a few more bags and boxes to get from my house. My host mom, brother, sister and cousin all came up with me to my house to clean up stuff and pack stuff away. I thought they were just coming up to help me carry stuff down but my host mom went to work and started putting stuff in bags and cleaning up stuff. The two volunteers who lived in the house before me left a lot of crap for me to sort through. I'm a little embarrassed for how messy my family probably thinks I am after seeing the disaster that was my house. I have been saving plastic bags to stuff into bottles to make eco-ladrillos (eco-bricks) with to contribute to someone making a bottle project. I have also been saving all of my recyclables, so lots of glass and plastic bottles, paper and cardboard. From the way my house looks, I kind of look like a crazy pack rat. But all is a bit more orderly now. I found some stuff that got a little damp during the rainy season and was growing some pretty gross-looking mold, so it's nice to not be breathing that in anymore. And now I'll just have to get settled in a much smaller area than I am used to.

 And for my first night back here living in the center of town, I am greeted by the lovely, dulcet tones of children screaming "Que muera el diablo!" (something along the lines of "Die devil!"). I got some of the story from Jeimy, my host sister, which is that this week some teens dressed up all in red are passing through parts of the center of town following the cries of "Que muera el diablo" and hitting the people screaming this with sticks. My host siblings and cousin were of course half-terrified and half-excited for the eventual arrival of the diablos at our house and kept screaming from behind the bars in front of the store. Yes, I suppose they are cowards, hiding where the devils cannot get to them, but I wasn't about to go on the street to be beat with sticks either. Interesting tradition. Other than the screaming, there are a lot more noises here that I was once used to but I have been spoiled with country life where dogs bark and roosters crow, but cars and trucks only pass de vez en cuando. Here there is lots of honking and motors running, as well as the sound of motorcycles speeding by and people talking loudly on the street. It will probably take some getting used to, but hopefully I'll be able to start sleeping again.

On apples and (kind of) breaking and entering

A week ago, I had the most delicious apple ever. Really, it was amazing. Best apple I've ever eaten. And then today I ate an apple and it was awful. Probably not the worst thing I've ever eaten, but pretty bad. It wasn't so bad that I couldn't finish it, but I only finished eating it to get my daily dose of fruit. This is kind of how my experience in Guatemala has been-some days it's increcible, amazing, happy, best days ever. And some days it is awful-I'm sad, disappointed, depressed, sick, tired, etc. One of those bad days happened on Monday. Let me tell you about it.

Monday started out fine. I got up, I was feeling good, the sun was out. I didn't have much to do, just a visit to the superintenden and a local NGO we work with. Things have slowed down considerably since the school year ended. I've helped out with some camps here and there and we are coordinating with an NGO in the city to think up how to start a recycling program, but things aren't quite as busy. So I was taking my time on Monday. I had some laundry to do, some lunch to make, some dishes to wash. Finally, once 2:45 rolled around, I I decided to head down and work a little. I went through the normal routine of closing doors and locking up. But I forgot my sweater in my room right as I was about to walk out of my house. So I went back into my house, puttered around my room a little. Once I was in the hallway again right outside my room, I heard someone come in my back door. I thought that it was the owner of my house, who has never entered before without knocking, but I of course wasn't thinking this at the time. I heard this mystery person walk to the door between my kitchen/living area and the hallway and put a key in the lock. Since I still thought this was the owner, I figured I would open the door, greet him and then head out (it would be awkward to just be standing in the hallway when he came in and not open the door for him). So I open the door and freeze. I don't exactly know what I saw because things moved so quickly and I froze. What I remember seeing is a kid running out the back door, which was open. He was probably about 4 foot 8, maybe between 12 and 14 years old, straight back hair (I of course didn't think of all these crazy details until everyone started asking me about them). I didn't get a super good look because my automatic reaction was to freeze and kind of deny to myself that this was happening. A few moments after opening the door and the kid running out I went to my back door and looked to see if I could see anyone, but the kid was long gone. 

This was kind of an unexpected but also expected encounter. I mean, I knew something was wrong. About three weeks ago I had noticed some money missing. The doors were all locked, nothing else was misplaced, just the money was gone. So I just thought I was going crazy and misplacing stuff. I even entertained the thought that I was sleepwalking. I mean, I had been losing some sleep while applying to grad school, so this didn't seem too far-fetched. But then about five days later, I noticed that one of my USBs was missing and I knew that I had it after the money was gone because used it. Once again, I thought I was crazy. I didn't think much of it because the doors had all been locked, my computer and Kindle were still around. And then I found out exactly what was happening, something that didn't even enter my thoughts beforehand. Someone had the keys to my house, both the outside and inside doors. It wasn't breaking and entering, not really. This kid would sneak in, unlock the doors, take stuff from my room (which is where all of the stolen things were before he took them), lock up after himself, and slip out. I normally have my money hidden throughout my house, but on this one occasion, I had been saving up money to give to my host family so it was sitting on my dresser so I wouldn't forget it. I never thought that someone would break into my house because the two previous volunteers who lived in this house never had a problem and I hadn't either up until this point. This house has five good years behind it with no problems. Now, no one else from Peace Corps will be able to live here because of this incident. I'm just glad he didn't dig a little deeper into my things to find my passport because that would have caused even more headaches. 

The next few days went by, lots of questions asked, skeptical looks all around. I thought it might be my neighbor's son, but he was acting nonchalant and actually opted to stay in the room and talk with me and his mom rather than hide in front of the tv, and I had seen him right after it happened and he didn't act worried or sketchy in any way. A few people from Peace Corps came to help me deal with talking with the neighbors. The kid left behind one of the keys he was using and we went to the owner to see if he was missing any keys (he is the only other person, supposedly, with keys to my house), and he was missing the one key we found. That seems a little suspicious. I had trusted everyone so much and I found myself not really knowing what to think. I also realized that the kid must have been watching me to know when to come into my house. Before leaving, I close the door between the kitchen and my hallway and lock it and then, shortly afterward, I head out. The day I caught the kid, I had waited around maybe ten-fifteen minutes more to take care of some stuff, get a sweater, etc. This is of course speculation because I can't question this kid, but it seems logical because I hadn't caught him beforehand. And of course no one say anything.

So now I'm moving out. My host family says they are happy to have me, and I have been spending more and more time with them lately, so it will be fine. It's just quite a pain to figure out what to do with furniture, trash left over from two generations of volunteers, my recyclables. Then there's the fact that I'm moving into my host sister's room. Since she died in September, the room has been empty. My host mom claims that they were trying to get my host grandmother to move in there (she didn't want to) so it's no problem. It will be a little weird living in her room and kind of becoming another daughter again (my host dad really does introduce me as his hija to people sometimes), especially when Christmas comes up and it's my family's first Christmas without her. But I will do what I can to lighten the mood and keep the kids happy. I already bought some stuffed animals for the kids to hang on the doorknobs. It will be difficult moving from my own pretty nice house to having a small room and not cooking my own meals. But I will enjoy having company, having access to a washing machine, not worrying about creepy security situations. I've been thinking of pro-con lists since to make myself feel a little better about the whole situation. I will hopefully finish moving, for the most part, by Wednesday. Until then I'm still sleeping in my house-I put extra locks on the inside of the doors so no one can get in. I just can't leave the house because I don't know if this kid has the key to the front door. But my valuables are moved out so no worries about a passport going missing or my computer being stolen. It will be sad to not buy from my favorite store up by my house, no more free guisquiles from the owner of my house, I won't see my favorite neighbors as often, I won't be able to bake as often or walk around my house in shorts with my legs unshaved. But I will beel more secure and won't lose anything more.

But really, this sucks. I just don't feel safe anymore and I feel like I can't trust any of my neighbors, which is not a great feeling. I really felt safe in my house, it was the one place where I felt 100% safe. I would always say hi to my neighbors and talk about the weather or life in the US with them. I would make cookies and drop them off with Dona Estela for her four kids. I would walk up the hill with the kids who would continuously ask me questions about words in English. Now I can't greet people without wondering if they know the kid or were involved in his crime. I know this is illogical, but my brain is kind of in overdrive with suspicions and all. And since no one has any idea who this kid is (how could no one have seen him-he was entering my house in daylight? I guess the back door hides most of what he was doing, but still you could see him go around the side of my house to get there.) The stress has led to me eating more than usual (that's what stress does to me) and not being able to sleep. This was further compounded by the fact that the night after finding this kid in my house, I went to listen to some music after lying awake for three hours and found that my MP3 player was also gone (item number three to be missing, which happened between Thursday and Monday because I last listened to it Thursday night). Benedryl works some of the time, but I don't like feeling drowsy the next day. Hopefully the sleep will improve once I move in with the host fam. And the next week will be full of moving my things little by little from my house and cleaning up after myself. My host mom will be out of town so I can't really move the majority of my stuff in until mid-next week (I took two trips today with clothes and books), so my planned trip over Thanksgiving and for my birthday will not happen, but I plan on treating myself to some Indian food to celebrate my favorite holiday and 25th birthday. And I am rewarding/comforting myself now with movies and popcorn. Tonight: While You Were Sleeping, an old favorite I haven't seen in years. Not to mention slowly making my way through a bottle of cheap wine.

All is well, but my life has taken a rather interesting turn and I will keep all updated on my new(ish) life with my host family. I'm just glad that the kid didn't kill me in my sleep or attack me when I found him. And that I am not going crazy and misplacing everything. Ariel, one of the Peace Corps safety and security officers, did mention that it did kind of make sense, finishing up my service where I started, with my host fam. And my Spanish will improve at a faster rate. It's sad that I feel violated and all, but I won't let this one crappy incident keep me from enjoying the end of my time here in Guatemala. 

It's harvest time

Right now I can hear the kids outside my window, talking to each other as they husk the corn and throw it into baskets. Their parents, meanwhile, are in the field behind my house, cutting down the stalks and gathering the corn. Luckily this year it didn't rain and ruin the crop so it's looking like it will be a good year for corn and hopefully tortilla prices will go back to being 4 for Q1 rather than the 3 for Q1 that it is now. Also luckily, the weather has been gorgeous these past few weeks-sun shining, clear blue sky, a little on the hot side, a light breeze blowing through the corn stalks. The color of the corn turned from green to golden several weeks ago, and the golden color will disappear from the fields to become the brown of the soil. This is how Guatemala will look until I leave in March, which is a little depressing but I feel fortunate to have seen so many beautiful sites here up to now. Right now I'm going up to the roof to check on my clothes to see if they have dried, which they probably have since the sun is so strong lately.

New president

By the end of today Guatemala will have a new president. Unfortunately, most people I have talked to agree that there really isn't much of a viable option. It's sad to think that people have no hope for the future and are pretty resigned to the fact that there isn't a leader out there to bring the country out of insecurity and poverty. I guess we'll see what happens over the next four years and have to hope for the best. I'll update when we know who it will be.

Update: We have a new president here in Guatemala. The fireworks started going off half an hour ago or so. And the winner is, of course, Otto Perez Molina of Partido Patriota. Here's an article (in Spanish).

Another update: Here's a NYT article in English, with some interesting facts. It appears my host mom was among the 50% or so of Guatemalans who did not vote, largely feeling that choosing between the two candidates was a "choice between two deadly diseases." I sincerely hope Molina proves everyone wrong and manages to improve the security situation (with money from who knows where) while maintaining human rights standards and tal vez righting some of the wrongs of the past.