Lots of lasts

No Superbowl for me. I could watch it on the t.v. I have in my room, but I'm really not feeling like it. So instead, I've been sitting here, listening to the hail and rain hit the plastic roof down the hallway (we've had some crazy weather the past three days), thinking about life--what's been going on and what's coming up.

We've started our last visits to schools. This is where the melancholy hits. Knowing that I will soon leave this world I have become familiar with and go back to a world that I was familiar with is both exciting and depressing. I go through moments of extreme sadness, one that hit me while I was walking through the city the other day. I know my way around here--I know how to navigate the streets of town, what to say to people to start a conversation off right, where to go for the best tortillas, which woman on market day has the best produce. I feel so confident in my ability to live here in Guatemala and it's something that was a bit difficult to come by. And now that I'm an expert, it's hard to let it go again, to lose all that I have gained. But it's time. And since it's time, I'm always thinking in my head whether or not it's the last time I'm doing this or that. I bought toilet paper for the last time, I ate at the Chinese restaurant and the comedor in town for the last time, I washed some clothes by hand for the last time, I stopped by the police station for the last time (just to ask how things were going in town). This list will be growing in the next two weeks as I buy my last recarga for my cell phone or eat my last avocado. It's just hard to close everything up.

Several months back I was thinking of staying. Sometimes I wish I could stay. But so much has changed in the past six months. My host sister passed away, someone broke into my house forcing me to move out, living with my host family has slowly turned from something great to a very awkward situation, and Peace Corps Guatemala is going through some big changes, changes that will tear volunteers from their communities and challenge those left in Guatemala to adapt to even more new things over the next several months. I also have something to go back to-law school. It will be a (very expensive) challenge, but I feel like it's the right next step. I was thinking about law school before Peace Corps and it still seems like the next logic step for me and I'm pretty excited. I always wanted to work with human rights and the law seems like a good medium to turn to for human rights work. We'll see. Anyway, everything points to me going and that's what I'll be doing in less than three weeks. Between then and now, there's a lot of work to do to close up things here--14 schools to visit, neighbors to say good-bye to, paperwork to wrap up, reports to write, (hopefully) a new volunteer to introduce to our site, a pile of crap to pack up, doctor's appointments to go to. And most of this in the two weeks I have left actually in my site. That's part of the reason I haven't updated so much lately--lots to do and not much time to do it in.

Anyway, still plugging away here in Guatemala. Just wanted to share some thoughts as I go into the home stretch. I did some calculations recently and all told, Guatemala has been home for the past 750+ days. I spent some days in the U.S., but that was mainly just as a tourist. There are only 19 more days left. I'm going to try to make the most of it while running around between errands and meetings. I have more mangoes and avocado to eat and a few more English conversations to have with my friend Astrid. I'll try focusing more on the things coming up to keep myself a little more positive.